Free as a Bird

when someone breaks your heart, it's bad.

when you KNOW someone is going to break your heart, it's worse.

there is so much I want to write about this, but it's such a sensitive and private topic I don't know what i should write and what i should not.

after it happened, i was in such a state of shock. Not that it happened but that i let it happen. I let myself get broken.

I KNEW it was going to happen. maybe it was the lack of emails, the lack of enthusiasm upon my arrival home, his dread of seeing me.

Because I knew we were going to end, I got over the breakup before it actually happened.

The night before it happened I cried my eyes out (kinda weird, right?). couldn't stop. the last week of england it happened too. I worried all day, obsessed almost because even though I was told everything was okay and it would all go back to normal I knew it wasn't. In my mind, I was taken. but in my gut, in my heart, I was a free bird. 

My gut and my heart knew that something was wrong.

seven months is a long time. I do not regret a single moment spent with him, we helped each other grow into who we are. It was a wonderful friendship and romance.  It was amazing, but it was time for it to end. 

you never forget your first love.

The odd thing is the day it happened I laughed so much. I smiled, I had fun. Why should I be depressed and mope because someone no longer wants me? Their loss. 

I've moved on. I've forgotten how to flirt and be single, but it's coming back to me pretty quickly.

Am I supposed to be sad? To cry and eat ice cream and obsess and hate myself and think I'm ugly and worthless and that it was all my fault and that I'll never ever be w0anted ever again? Oops.

Those actions, those do not make up the person that I am. If anything, I feel BETTER about myself now.

I no longer have to worry. I've done so much worrying. I'm over worrying. I'm myself again!!

Hello world. Hello Chances, Hello Junior Year.

Sierra is once again a free bird!