Lyrics

thank you lily allen.

i needed this song more than anything in the whole wide world.

I could say that I'll always be here for you,
But that would be a lie and quite a pointless thing to do,
I could says that I'll always have feelings for you
But i've got a life ahead of me, I'm only 22,

Chorus
Since you've gone I've lost a chip on my shoulder,
Since you've gone I feel like I've gotten older,
And now you've gone it feels as if the whole wide world is my stage
And now you've gone it's like I've been let out of my cage,

You always made it clear that you hated my friends,
You made me feel so guilty when I was running around with them,
And everything was always about being cool,
And now I've come to realise there's nothing cool about you at all,

Chorus
Since you've gone I've lost a chip on my shoulder,
Since you've gone I feel like I've gotten older,
And now you've gone it feels as if the whole wide world is my stage
And now you've gone it's like I've been let out of my cage,

Chorus
Since you've gone I've lost a chip on my shoulder,
Since you've gone I feel like I've gotten older,
And now you've gone it feels as if the whole wide world is my stage
And now you've gone it's like I've been let out of my cage

goodbye to my favorite summer.

i am so ready for school to start.

i know it sounds crazy, but i am actually excited for school to start.

nervous yes, but excited. 

this summer has been the best and the most life changing of any other summer in my entire life. I grew up and became more of the person I will be for the rest of my life and less of the child that I was for the last sixteen years. It used to scare me that I am not the same as I was on June 18th, 2009. But now, looking back on my summer, I realized that those changes did not come from me moving away from who I am as a person, but from moving closer.

This summer I had the most amazing time. Oxford was the best experience of my life, one I hold to me so dearly it is unparalleled with any other experience. It seems so far in the past now, almost so much that it scares me to death. I miss my oxford family.

Tomorrow, I will step into Rindge and become a Junior in high school. The most important year. Many of my peers complain it will 'suck ass' and be 'awful' but I like a challenge. I like the thrill of assignments and work and learning. I like progress. I also like the social aspect- I miss seeing people every day. I have amazing classes and tomorrow will bring me one step closer to being in them.

This summer I really discovered who I am. My limits, my boundaries, but also how far I am willing to go on things and what I am willing to give up. I am much more aware of what I want in life, both socially and educationally. I finally got my cartilage pierced. I found out what it's like to be dumped, and it sucks. it's painful and really really embarrassing, but it's also relieving and liberating. 

goodbye summer. goodbye sleeping in and staying up late and fun.

hello rest of my life, hello finally being a junior, hello ALMOST BEING SEVENTEEN!

AHHHHHHHHHH.

glass half full of NASTY WATER

I'm trying to be in a good mood because i am very happy except that sucky things have happened to me and i want to scream.

1. last night i was swinging on a swing and the seat CAME OFF the chains. I literally had to grasp onto the chains while the seat fell from under me. i then landed on my back and my hands were numb. 

2. My earring holder fell onto the floor and exploded everywhere. All earrings were recovered except one of my diamond earrings my dad gave to me for christmas. It is hiding in my room somewhere.

3. I bought Snow Leopord for my mac, and when i put the disk in to download my macbook scratched the living daylights out of it so now the disk is unusable. i had to call and get them to send me another one which cost me $16!

4. i lost my graphing calculator and therefore will need to buy a new one. out of my own money. which i do not have a lot of.

GAHGAHGAHGAHGAH.

on the bright side i had a wonderful time with marlees yesterday and we laughed so much i completely forgot i am starting junior year and will have soo much work!

school starts on tuesday and i couldn't be more excited! I have amazing teachers, classes, and soo many people are in them too. I can't wait to start student government and mentoring, and to have dance company start up again. I am so lost without it! 

Being back in cambridge is so amazing. I love my home! 

PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE BETTER THAN OTHER PEOPLE PISS ME OFF.

SO.

MUCH.

we're all teenagers. get over it!

life is wayyyy to short for splenda. 

i hate splenda with a burning passion.

splenda is actually incredibly disgusting and makes you sick and it tastes like soap.

be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.

- dr seuss

Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.

I need to stop wanting to be other people and just be happy being Sierra.

I need to stop taking people for granted because they're not someone else.

I need to stop wishing and beating myself up for absolutely nothing.

I have amazing friends, an amazing life, I am happy. I just need to remind myself of that sometimes.

Passion

I LOVE PHOTOGRAPHY.

So

so so much.

when i take a photograph and it turns out well, I get a feeling I cannot explain. I LOVE taking pictures. I love having a piece of work I am proud of, something I can show people and say "this is what I love. I made this. This is my creation"

Free as a Bird

when someone breaks your heart, it's bad.

when you KNOW someone is going to break your heart, it's worse.

there is so much I want to write about this, but it's such a sensitive and private topic I don't know what i should write and what i should not.

after it happened, i was in such a state of shock. Not that it happened but that i let it happen. I let myself get broken.

I KNEW it was going to happen. maybe it was the lack of emails, the lack of enthusiasm upon my arrival home, his dread of seeing me.

Because I knew we were going to end, I got over the breakup before it actually happened.

The night before it happened I cried my eyes out (kinda weird, right?). couldn't stop. the last week of england it happened too. I worried all day, obsessed almost because even though I was told everything was okay and it would all go back to normal I knew it wasn't. In my mind, I was taken. but in my gut, in my heart, I was a free bird. 

My gut and my heart knew that something was wrong.

seven months is a long time. I do not regret a single moment spent with him, we helped each other grow into who we are. It was a wonderful friendship and romance.  It was amazing, but it was time for it to end. 

you never forget your first love.

The odd thing is the day it happened I laughed so much. I smiled, I had fun. Why should I be depressed and mope because someone no longer wants me? Their loss. 

I've moved on. I've forgotten how to flirt and be single, but it's coming back to me pretty quickly.

Am I supposed to be sad? To cry and eat ice cream and obsess and hate myself and think I'm ugly and worthless and that it was all my fault and that I'll never ever be w0anted ever again? Oops.

Those actions, those do not make up the person that I am. If anything, I feel BETTER about myself now.

I no longer have to worry. I've done so much worrying. I'm over worrying. I'm myself again!!

Hello world. Hello Chances, Hello Junior Year.

Sierra is once again a free bird!

home.

home. such a weird thought, to be home. for the last six weeks I have not been home, and now I am.
so weird.

If you didn't know, I have spent the last six weeks of my life in England, the first month at a program at Oxford and the last two weeks in London with my mom and brothers, (and three days in Ireland)

The experience is not one I can begin to sum up in this blog article. I could talk about my trip, I could talk about the people I met, I could talk about how it changed me. The fact I have so much to say is overwhelming.

Oxford was the greatest month of my life. (if you want to know about the Oxford Tradition program, google it. If i explain it to one more person I may go insane). I made a 'core' group of friends, people that are all so different but so similar at the same time. After being blessed enough to spend one month with them I have not only had fun but learned from them as well. They were all incredible, smart, driven, beautiful, and KIND individuals. There was not a single mean person not only in my group of friends but in the entire program. We did everything together, all 14 of us or so. Crammed into Chris' room to watch movies, go see Shakespeare, get tapas, moo-moos, the list goes on. We became a family. A large, sometimes dysfunctional family, but we became a family.

Not only did I have an amazing social month but I had an academic month as well. My major was Archaeology, and I was put in the class of the most amazing teacher I have ever been taught by. Her name was Lydia Carr, and she was the awesomist human being. Even though she joked about me being ditzy, she thought I was smart. She gave me the confidence that even though I'm spacey I AM intelligent. I quote her: "Sierra, how is it possible that you are so incredibly smart, but so ditzy at the same time?" We really bonded, I became one of her few favorite students.

Oxford made me grow up. i feel so much older, but so much younger at the same time. Staying by myself at oxford, feeding myself, getting myself up, all that jazz made me feel so much more independent. Not to mention my new cartilage piercing in my ear. That makes me feel a bit older too.
Me feeling young comes from knowing that I have two more years of High School left. I'm not at the college state yet.

If you're reading this, you probably don't care about my academic achievements, you want to know the dirty details. What mischief did I get into? Well, it is a public website, but I did have my fun. I had my fun, but never got detention and never missed a check-in. Good girls are bad girls that don't get caught.

Oxtrad made me so much more driven to go to college. I want to go to college. So badly. High school is great, but I've always felt a bit more....aware than my high school peers. Aware isn't the right word....I don't know how to describe it. I've just always been more analytical when it comes to why my peers, and why I do all those crazy things we do. I can see past it. I enjoy it, but I can see past it.


Oxford, the town, was beautiful. Everything was from the 1700's or earlier. Oriel, the quad we stayed in, was equally beautiful. If i close my eyes I can still remember every detail about it. The first, second, third quad, the lounge room, everything. I miss it with all my heart and more.

I am going to write more, but this is all the oxford for now <3

new post 2

also, we had this really cool sociologist come to our arch class today. he was fascinating. anthropology is so interesting: it shows group dynamics and answers a lot of the 'why' questions.

we also went to the oxford history museum!

greetings from england

ello yall!!!!

i took the first part of this from my email to alex cause i am very very lazy.

i've been having a great time. yesterday we went to london which was reallly fun but rainy as hell. we saw buckingham palace, the british museum and went shopping. i didn't buy anything tho.

the weather has been better. occasional rain (besides yesterday), but mostly warm and sunny.

archaeology has been great. it's so fascinating. monday and tuesday we are going on a dig. we actually get to be part of the dig. i hope i find something cool/valuable.

creative writing has been good too. we get to do a lot of writing ourselves which ireally like. today my friend eamon wrote this cool dialogue about old mobsters.

my mom got a facebook!! i added her.

friends have been good too. a bit of drama, but that is expected.

today we went punting- it was crazy. i punted for a bit which surprisingly did not result in any casualties. lexi was the best paddler by far. josh couldn't punt at first, but got the hang of it by the end. the best punter was chad. he did it amazingly.

i just got back from kareoke night. it was sooo much fun!!! we did hit me baby one more time. great day!!!

greetings from oxford!!!!!!!!!!

i dont know where to begin. i am having soooo much fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




on sunday i will make an update that is long and detailed.



but i am alive, happy, and having an epic time!!!"!!!!!!!45ythhuhghgtg


gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

jet setting

LEAVING FOR ENGLAND TODAY!!!!!

my mom has a funny way of packing. she sticks everything I have in one and two gallon ziplock bags and squeezes all the air out of them. It's genius but it makes my bag look like I have some sort of disease and in order for me to travel my stuff must be quarantined. 

I am nervous to fly, which is oh so silly due to the fact I fly 6+ times a year. I plan to sleep and listen to music for most of the trip, and watch some disney channel. I am so excited!

Saying goodbye is so hard. I hate goodbyes. Even if I will see people in six weeks it is still a long time. A very, very long time.

Hopefully I can update my blog while I am in England.

Happy travels errybody.

dear friends

i am a bad friend. I don't call back. I don't invite people to do things a lot. I don't make efforts a lot cause I'm actually shy when it comes to that stuff.

If I don't call you back, I apologize. If I don't text back until the next day, I apologize.

I am such a bad friend.

I have issues

Issues, I have them.

England

Leaving for england in 6 days. Nervous, for one, because I am aerophobic which is silly because I fly on planes at least 8 times every year. I travel a LOT. It's also my third time ever flying alone, so it's even scarier. Mehhhhhh

Dream of epic proportions

One thing really great thing about dreams is you can do things you couldn't do in real life. Last night I had a dream that i did something I have been meaning to for a very long time. The great thing was I got to do it, but no physical or emotional harm was done to anyone, including myself.

No, it wasn't hard drugs. It wasn't killing. It wasn't random sex with a stranger.

It was ten times more satisfying, riveting and scary.

I flipped someone off. (Not just any someone, a significant person in my life/past.)

This might seem small to you. Silly, even. Why would I feel so accomplished for doing something so small and innocent? Of course, this is not my first time flipping someone off- even in real life. Even I, the supposedly 'good girl' (which is bull by the way) has flipped people off before. This mostly includes harmless ones behind walls or doorways. Jonah gets the most of it, because he is the only one I get into fights with that i feel comfortable/close enough with to do that.

Anywho, back to my dream.

Well, in my dream, I am in this flat, light brown tan kind of area. Basically, the background was not important to the story.

So anyways, in my dream, I see these people/person. Because I am not rude, this non-age-or-gender-or number specific person/people in my life will simply be referred to as Person. Anyways, so I see this person, and I get angry. Really angry. All of my anger comes boiling to the surface and I flip them off. Just like that. I instantly regret it in my dream. ("Crapcrapcrap WHY DID I DO THAT") but decide, hey, I did it, might as well confront them. So I do. 

I confront them. 

The answer to the confrontation was hilarious now that I think about it.

I am not going to write it here, because this is public, and it might give away who it is.

(No, the person is not you. Hell, you probably don't know the person, or if you do you don't talk to the people/person. Trust me. I haven't talked to this person in a very very long time. Like, very.

Whoever you think it is, it's not.)

That is what I remember the most. I guess I go and flip off other people next. 

Heck, in my dream I am some crazy flip-you-off bitch who has all of my lifetime anger built up and just wants to stick my middle finger at anyone and everyone who has hurt me. Conveniently, for me, they were all in the same place.

What does this dream mean, do you ask?

Well, one, I have done a lot of thinking due to my infrequent but common isolation during the last week. During the night, I 'process' all of the things I haven't been able to during the day. it's really great. I love it. 

Dreaming is just fab. 

.

sometimes i wonder why I'm so indecisive about things and then i remember I'm only 16 years old

lalalalala

lalallalalala i have the best boyfriend everrrr who debates random shit with me and doesn't care if I buy the JB rolling stone and holds my hand and makes me so happy.

So today my mommy went to the Mall with me so I could shop for clothes for Oxford. I went to American Eagle and H&M. I got the cutest clothes: a bunch of skirts, t shirts, shorts, etc.  I am so excited for this trip now!

Afterwards I hung out with Alex for the afternoon. It was really nice to see him since I hadn't in almost a week.

whooooo.

did i mention he was awesome?