=\

dramatic music?

check.

enclosing myself from the world?

check.

now onto blogging.

I realized I cannot write unless I am by myself and there is music. Emotional music, not stupid pop stuff. Anyways, there has been a lot I've wanted to write about but I haven't figured out the proper way to go about it. I'm really stressed- really REALLY stressed, but I don't know what about. School is coming to an end and i feel like my high school career is flying by. I'm anxious that my grades aren't good enough- I'm at a 90 GPA right now and I feel that won't get me into the places I want to go.

I also realized that I am my own worst enemy when it comes to schoolwork. I do well, but not AMAZING. it kills me. I wish I had the willpower to try a little bit harder. I feel like when I try harder, its not hard enough. I'm working my ass off this semester to make up for the fact I got 3 B's last semester and only one A, something I'm not proud of. In my defense, I was taking Chem, which was IMPOSSIBLE, algebra 2 which I suck at, and my acting and play study teacher decided to be a hard grader and to give me a B+ which i did NOT deserve- I was one of the best students in that class. This semester I have much better grades, A, A, A- and a B (in precalc) but I feel like I'm not doing enough still. I don't want to ruin my life by not getting into a good college. I want to excel, I want to go above and beyond and be really successful. I want to spend my life doing something I love. 

I picked up my camera yesterday with Sophie for the first time in a few weeks. It felt great. However, I have yet to decide if I have real talent. I personally think photography isn't that hard. I aim and shoot- its really simple. Sometimes it comes out good, sometimes it doesn't.  I got my first digital camera for my twelfth birthday and have been in love with it since. Last year it turned from snapshots to serious photography, and now I am a year later with a Canon Rebel.

Part of me says that the reason why it's so easy is because photography itself is easy. You don't need to draw. There's no pencil or paint or objects to weld or bend. You simply aim a box at a place in the universe and click a button. Instant art. This part tells me that if anyone picked up my camera they would be able to take just as good a picture as I would be able too. I'm not talking about other photographers, but people who have never done it before in their life.

Another part of me says its easy because I'm good at it. Photography takes knowledge about placement and lighting and interestingness. it takes a lot of focus and intuition about what makes a good picture and what doesn't. Photography uses the world as a canvas. 

I do have other loves besides taking pictures. I love writing. I kept a blog in middle school, and out of the craziness of high school abandoned my love for writing. I'm glad I've began to blog again. It feels good.